Posts Tagged With: following

058 – The Other Side of the Table

As human beings, we live most of our lives around other human beings. We’re neighbors, fellow bus or subway passengers, colleagues, mutual victims of rush hour, friends, and family to hundreds if not thousands of other people. And yet, very rarely do we spend much time considering these people through any lens that doesn’t also go through us. Are they looking at me? What does he think of me? Does this person see me as competent? Do they think I’m confident? Is everyone laughing at me or with me? And because we spend so much time thinking about ourselves, how wonderfully refreshing and uplifting it is when other people think about us, too! It’s like they really get us!

This simple reality is the key to one of the most underutilized-yet-powerful win-win scenarios we could ever put ourselves in. In our dealings with other people, if we can just stop thinking of ourselves briefly- momentarily- just for a second- and consider the person on the other side of the table from us, we effectively get up, walk over, and get on their side of the table. And all of a sudden we can begin to understand each other and can actually work together toward a common goal or interest.

The beautiful thing about this strategy is that you don’t even have to be subtle or sneaky about it! I’ve frequently expressed to other people, verbatim, “I want to do my best to get on your side of the table and understand where you’re coming from and where you’re trying to go.” This has got to be the most noble sort of manipulation there is; you’re tricking people into allowing you to help them get what they want quicker, better, faster, easier than they could have on their own.

“But Jared,” someone who isn’t as wise as you might whine, “how is that win-win if it’s all about the other person getting what they want?”

That’s the other not-so-secret secret about this whole concept. For it to really, truly work, you’ve got to flat out, no exceptions, unconditionally care about the other person. If you’re thinking about how you can help them so that they’ll help you, or trying to maneuver around or through them for your own end goal, you’re thinking about it all wrong. However, when you really care about that person and what they want and need, then getting on their side of the table and understanding their motivations and their thought processes so that you can help them follows as the next logical step in the process. And when you really care about helping them get what they want, then it becomes something that you want, too. All of a sudden, you’re working together, you’re moving in the same direction, and when you reach that goal, it’s a win-win for both of you.

So, here’s to the table-hoppers who are constantly jumping from booth to booth, sitting down next to other people, and coming alongside them in the spirit of camaraderie and helpfulness. Let’s never forget that for every time we wish the person across from us would think more about what we want, there’s another person looking at us and thinking the same thing.

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Categories: community, personal development, success | Tags: , | 1 Comment

054 – The Time to Act

Something’s not right.

Looking across the landscape of America today, we can see that something’s not right. Living here, we feel it. In our communities, we hear all about it. There is an ever-widening gap forming between the world that we believed in when we were younger and the world that we see now.

And something needs to be done.

In times of record debt and unfunded liabilities in the institutions above us and record divorce rates and instances of neglect and abuse in the families in our communities, we are sandwiched in a failing culture. We’ve done everything we’ve been told: we went to school, studied hard, got good grades, and maybe even got a “safe, secure” job, but nothing came out like it was supposed to. Instead, we see massive rates of unemployment that don’t factor into millions who are underemploymed and hundreds of thousands who have just given up. We see scandal after scandal breaking on the news because we’ve been taught that the screen on the television should be more captivating than spending time engaged with our families. Sociologists claim that increases in violence in our communities come from young men who take lives because they have no value for lives because they don’t believe that their own lives are valuable. The children in our communities grow up with television characters as role models because idealizing fiction is the only way to believe that what they can expect will be as good as fiction.

But it won’t be. And that is okay. The world is not meant to be perfect. We shouldn’t expect 0% unemployment, a government that functions without the involvement of the people (!) or a job that’s handed to us just because we’ve jumped through one or two more hoops than the last guy. We shouldn’t expect the world to be fine without us. We should expect to have to engage. We should expect to have to put in the time and effort to maintain and grow the freedoms and opportunities that we were born with, because not everyone is and not everyone will be.

You see, something’s not right in the world. And it’s time to do something about it.

It’s time for us to ask ourselves what we would spend our time here doing. Because I’ll tell you this: we don’t have a million years to do this. You’ve been told that all you have to do is study hard, get good grades, get a safe, secure job, a house with a white picket fence, a spouse, two-point-three kids, and a golden retriever, and you’ll be happy. What you weren’t told is what that really costs, versus what its value is.

You see, working 40 hours a week, if you’re lucky enough to keep the number that low, the average person spends 100,000 hours at work in their lifetime. They’ll go on to spend 25,000 hour with the person they marry, if they do marry. If they have children, they’ll spend 12,500 hours or less with them before their time is up. Now, if I were to ask you to rank your priorities, including family, friends, money, God, and hobbies, how would you rank them? And no cheating by reading what you just read above.

Do you see how your time can get eaten up right in front of you without you even noticing it? We’re told what to do to live the life we want, but nobody has ever asked what the life we want looks like. We decide what we want to “do” when we grow up before we even consider what we want to “be”. Because what most of us will “be” if we continue on this path is busy, distracted, distant from our families, and largely underutilized when it comes to our potential.

Today, we see a frightening number of people unemployed because they went to college and got a degree only to find that there was nobody willing to hire them to do a job when they got out. Well, I’ll say this. I do not believe that the first ships of refugees from the Old World that landed here in the colonies hopped off their boats and strolled into Wal-Mart for a job application. I don’t believe that they stepped off their boats and booted up their macbooks to e-mail their resume to GM. I believe that our country was founded on the principle that whatever it took to build a life of freedom and peace to live by their own priorities, the men and women who came here to establish their dreams were going to do it.

And that, my friends, is what’s not right in the world today. We’ve lived so long on the efforts of those who came before us that we didn’t think we had to contribute to keep it going. But we do. And we should. And it won’t be easy. But it will be worth it. We don’t have a million years to do this. But we do have the time necessary to act. And at this point, it is the time to act.

Sincerely,

Jared Schulman

Categories: community, culture, dream, family, finances, freedom, Liberty | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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